They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He shit in the fireplace
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