like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
