If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
