what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
