When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Green mimosas i think yes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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