You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
