Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
