garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
