i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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