Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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