I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
