I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
