Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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