yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
