before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
