The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
