Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
