in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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