plz talk dirty to me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
