I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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