Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
