scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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