there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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