Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
