The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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