went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
