does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize