He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
