"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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