i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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