i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
