Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
