How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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