she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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