I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize