I'm eating all of the evidence.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
