dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
