Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am available for nakedness
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
