Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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