Just fell off a train. Bad.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
