found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
