So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
People in love make me want to vomit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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