if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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