My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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