you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
