every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize