if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
