Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
