U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
