i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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