this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need moral support for this bender
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
