I think i peed on brittanys purse
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
