I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina is very pro this idea
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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