I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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