I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
