Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He passed out mid-signature
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
