wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel great
I just peed on a car
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
