If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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