I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
