Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
