if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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