did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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