She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
