Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
