I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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