Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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