Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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