i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
