I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
