my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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