You really coming over, don't trick.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
