i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
