She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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