Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
