I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
