yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
