We won't sleep together?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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