Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
