Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
