I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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