it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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