the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
