I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
