dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
