I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
