This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
