Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
