The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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