I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
