Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
