i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
