I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
