We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
