Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
