thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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