Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
