You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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