Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
