Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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