i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
