Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
